Post by nicksgirl05 on Oct 27, 2005 18:56:18 GMT 1
HI! this is my first fanfic so go easy!! I have introduced Tessa Matthews, Sara's friend from her days in Cali. I hope that u will give me some feed back.....
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters of CSI, however the storyline is my own. This story is a work of fiction and is not to be used with out the permission of the author. Contact me by email aries_girl2004@hotmail.com.
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Chapter 1
It was a wild night in Vegas, but then when is there ever not a wild night in Sin City?
I was sitting at the bar with Sara. "I wish you didn't have to go back tonight" she said.
I smiled at my best friend. "Once you get to work, you won't even remember that I was in Vegas at all this weekend" I replied.
“Besides I have to get back to work, myself, tomorrow night. You know, I am thinking of transferring to days. I t will give me the evenings off to spend with Meghan." I told her.
"Tessa, have you ever thought of leaving San Francisco?"
This absurd question hit me with surprise. "What? Sar, are you serious? What in the world would I do? Where would I go?"
"Move here, work at CSI. I've missed having you around."
"Sar, I love you dearly, you’re my best friend in the whole world, but have you gone bananas?"
"No, not at all. I’m offering you an opportunity of a lifetime."
"Which is?"
“A job here in Vegas. Grissom wants you to come work on the graveyard shift
ch 2
I felt like I was swimming through the Clark County Aquarium instead of walking through the halls of CSI.
The walls of the lab were painted a deep Aquamarine, and were set off by the dim lights set in the ceiling above. Apparently this setting was supposed to make visitors feel relaxed and calm.
“Tessa, hurry up. We cant be late!” Sara’s voice jarred me out of my reverie
And I realized she was halfway down the hall. I hurried to catch up with her.
“Geeze, Sar, what’s your hurry?” I gasped. “Shift doesn’t start for another 5 minutes”
“Well, I wanna get the introductions out of the way before Grissom starts handing out our assignments.”
She pushed open the door o the break room. The first person my eyes lit on was my old childhood friend. “Greg Sanders” I said. He must have recognized my voice because he whipped around so fast I thought he would give himself whiplash.
“Tessa!” He came over and wrapped me in a hug.
“God you look great. How have ya been?”
“So I am going to guess you two know each other? I’m Catherine, by the way.”
“ It’s nice to meet you Catherine.”
“Hey Tessa, I’m Warrick, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Likewise” I replied.
Ahhh, good I see Tessa is getting settled in.” Grissom came into the room and poured himself some coffee.
“Where is Nick? No wait let me guess. He overslept.” Sara’s impatient tone made me want to laugh. “His alarm clock is probably shot” I said.
“Yeah, well if he’s not here soon he’ll be shot.”
We didn’t have to wait long for him to come “Hey all. Sorry I’m late my alarm clock’s shot.”
“Nice job” Greg commented.
“Tessa, this is Nick Stokes. Nick this is Tessa Matthews.” Sara introduced us
“Nice to meet you Nick.” I said, holding out my hand
He took my hand in his and smiled. “Nice to meet you too Tessa.”
“What is Tessa short for?” Warrick asked.
“Theresa. It’s short for Theresa.” I replied. “But NEVER call me Theresa.”
ch 3
“Christmas Time’s a coming, Christmas Time’s a coming…” Greg sang as he came into the break room.
“Give it up will ya Greg. You have been singin’ that song for the last 3 hours. Enough already” Nick’s voice broke through the din of Greg’s singing.
“Ya know I think I will go sing in the lab.” Greg hurried out the door swinging closed behind him.
Sara came blowing into the room just then, nearly knocking Greg off his feet.
“ do you Know what pisses me off?” she groused.
“Do you mean besides everything?” I asked her.
“I cannot believe that the Christmas party is formal, and that we have to go and that we have to bring a date!”
“Well, Sar, look at the bright side”
“Which is?”
“I dunno, when I think of it I will let you know”
“Thanks” she said in disgust, leaving the room.
“Tessa, There was something I wanted to ask you..”
“Sure. Anything” I replied.
“Well, I was wondering if you would like to go to the Christmas party with me?”
I was totally not prepared for this question, but I pulled myself together.
“I would love to” I said
“Christmas Time’s a coming, Christmas Time’s a coming…”
“Tessa, Nick!” Catherine was waving to us from the other side of the ball room at the
Tangiers hotel.
“Heya Cath, Warrick.” I greeted my friends. “Where’s the rest of our little posse?”
Both Catherine and Warrick shrugged. “Greg and Sara were just here. Grissom hasn’t shown up yet.” Cath replied.
“I heard a rumor that you’re singin for us all tonight.” Warrick said.
I smiled “you heard right.” I replied. “Infact, here comes my cue.”
I saw Ecklie approach the podium. “And now folks I would like you all to welcome to the stage the newest member of our criminalistics team; Ms. Tessa Matthews, who’s talents run deeper than crime scene investigation.”
I could hear the applause and cheers from my friends and colleagues as I took the mic.
Thank you all.” I said, feeling a little bit nervous. But as the music started I began to relax. I took a deep breath and gave it my all.
How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I need...
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?
As the song came to a close, the cheering an clapping became deafning.
Sara put two fingers in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Taking a quick bow i hurried off the stage. "Tessa, that was amazing!" Catherine exclaimed.
I smiled a little embarrassed. "Thanks Cath." I replied.
I excused my self and headed for the balcony to get some fresh air. The night was warm, apparently the desert doesnt get very cold in the winter. "Hey Tessa.What're you doin out here?" Nick came up behind me. "Just gettin some fresh air" I replied. "You did a really good job Tessa" I thanked him, and he dazzled me with one of his thousand- watt smiles. I swear to God when he smiled like that, it made my insides go mushy.
Suddenly, the music started back up. I recognized the song. Savage Garden's "I knew I Loved You"
"Would you like to dance Tessa?" He asked me. I nodded "Sure. I would love to."
As he pulled me close, my heart began hammering in my chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, letting the music work it's magic.
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
As the music faded away, he made no move to pull away from me.
"Nick.." I began, but words failed me asI looked into his eyes. I wanted to say something but was afraid I would ruin the moment if i did. but no word were necessary, I knew that he felt the same way I did.
"Merry Christmas Tessa." he said softly as he kissed me.
ch 4
“I think we should just be friends” the words echoed in my brain over and over again.
Had it only been a few months ago that Nick had kissed me on the balcony at the Christmas party? Had it only been a few weeks since that New Years Eve party we had spent the whole night watching movies and .. ok, so we didn’t exactly watch the movies but hey, it was New Years.
“Tessa, I’m sorry, really. I know that this wasn’t something that you wanted to hear on Valentine’s Day.”
Or any day. I thought to myself. But I knew I couldn’t say that. So I said the only thing that I could think of, that he would want to hear. “Maybe you’re right.” I replied softly, all the while my heart twisting painfully. I stood up. “I should get going. Meghan’s probably waiting for me. Thanks for dinner.”
“Tessa.” When he spoke my name, I thought my heart would break.
“Nick. Don’t. look, you’re right. Being friends is ok.” I smiled.
“See you at work” I said, then I turned and hurried out of the restaurant.
But I didn’t see him that night as we were both kept busy working separate cases.
By the time shift was over, I was tired beyond belief. As I was heading out, I passed the break room and I could see Nick sitting at the table with Sara, both drinking coffee.
Sara must have spotted me because a few minutes later, I heard her calling my name.
I didn't stop walking, and she caught up to me. "For the love of God Tessa slow down a minute will you?"
I kept walking but did slow down a little. "What, Sar?" I asked.
"Are you ok? I mean really?" Sara asked me.
"I'm fine Sar. Really."
And though I don't realy think I was then, I knew that in time I would be. I cared about Nick and I always would, but I knew that the best thing for me to do was move on. I had survived a divorce. I could survive this.
ninemonths later...
" Tessa, what in the world is going on?" Catherine asked me as she came into the break room, folllowed by Sara, Warrick,Greg and Nick.
"Yeah, whats the big news? Are you like getting married or something?" Greg asked a little snidely.
I only grinned and held up my hand "Actually, yes I am Greg."
There was a brief silence then Catherine and Sara both started shrieking.
Suddenly I found myself in the middle of a group hug. We were rudely interrupted when Grissom stuck his head in the door. "Cath, Sara,Warrick. Dective Conroy's waiting outside for you.
"Greg, there is evidence in the labI need you to process."
"Oh and Tessa, Congratulations" he said before disapearing.
Alone in the break room with Nick, I wasn't quite sure what to say. But as usual, I didn't have to
say anything. "Congratulations Tessa. I'm very happy for you." he said as he hugged me.
and although he sounded sincere, there was something in is eyes that told me otherwise.
"I have some paper work I need to do. I'll be in my office." I told him. When I walked out the door this time, I didn't look back.
ch 5
I was sitting on my couch engrossed in a romance novel; when I heard the phone ring.
I reached over and picked it up off the coffee table.
“Hello.” I said
“Tessa, it’s me” Sara’s voice came over the phone. “Is Jason there with you?”
“No, he isn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow. Why?”
“I will be right over.” She said. Then before I could reply, the phone had gone dead.
Ten minutes later I heard the doorbell and opened the door to find not only Sara on my front porch, but Nick, Greg, Warrick, Catherine and Grissom.
“What in the world are you all doing here?” I asked in surprise, as I ushered them in.
“Make yourselves at home. Anybody want anything to drink?” I asked
“We’re fine” Catherine said, speaking for the whole team. “Tessa, we need to talk to you. About Jason.”
I looked curiously from one somber face to another. “Guys, what the heck is going on?
What about Jason?”
“Tessa, sit.” Sara said gently pulling me down between her and Greg on the couch.
“There is something you should be aware of, about Jason.” Catherine said quietly.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I waited to hear what it was they were about to tell me about my fiancé.
“I don’t believe you!” I shouted.
“How can you lie about something like this!”
I glared in fury at my fiends. “I want all of you out, right now! Get out!”
Sara looked at me her expression calm, her eyes telling of something else.
“He did not kill anyone! How dare you make an accusation like that!”
I was practically shrieking, and I was sure the neighbors down the street could hear me, but I didn’t care. I wanted all of them to leave. As they rose and headed out the door, Nick lingerd behind.
“Tessa…” he began
“Don’t you dare. “ I said. “Leave now.”
I watched as they all filed out of the house.
I was angry, beyond angry. I knew that none of my friends liked Jason but this was unacceptable. Why in the hell would they do something like this?
It was a question that bothered me all evening and kept me awake that night.
At 2am I heard the phone ring
“Hello?” I muttered
“Tessa, It’s Cath. I have to tell you something.”
ch 6
pulled my shoes on and keys in hand, I ran outside. As I got into my black SUV, I noticed the piece of paper stuck to my windshield. It was typed note and read:
Tessa, he’s mine now, You care about him,
and there is nothing you can do about it.
You can drive as fast as you want
cry , beg and plead, but you will never
be able to be with him. And I know that’s
what you really want. But now, it’s too late
You should have believed them. Now his death will be your fault.
- Jason
I drove as fast as I could to the location Catherine had given me. I pulled my SUV up behind a police car, not even shuting off the engine as I barreled toward where my friends stood.
“Where is he?” I asked. “Where does Jason have him?” I was pretty hysterical now.
Catherine pointed toward the doorway of an abandoned house. “ In there.” Her voice was hushed.
“Jason!” I shrieked. “Jason, let him go, please!”
Suddenly both appeared in the doorway. I started to run toward them. Suddenly a gunshot rang out. I watched in horror as Nick went down. “ No!” I didn’t recognize the voice that uttered those words.
I was close now, and as I started toward Nick, Jason shouted
“Tessa, you’re too late. I told you, you would be. Now my dear love, it’s your turn.”
I felt paralyzed as he leveled the gun at my chest.
“Tessa!” Sara yelled, panicked.
As I heard the gunshot sound, I found myself on the ground. Warrick, beside me.
At the sound of another gunshot, I covered my head and screamed.
“Suddenly, there was silence. Looking up I saw Jason on the ground, and Sara, standing only feet away, gun in hand.
With out thinking I was on my feet. As I knelt down at Nick’s side, I had tears streaming down my face.
“Oh god, Nick, I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. I reached out and touched his face.
“Please, open your eyes.” I begged. There was nothing. No response.
In the background, I could hear the wail of sirens as the ambulance came screaming over the hill.
Gripping his hand, I softly said; “Don’t leave me, Nick. Please I need you.”
I climbed into the ambulance with him, as the doors shut, I glimpsed the tears running down both Catherine and Sara’s faces.
ch 7
“I was walking the floor in the waiting room of the ER at Desert Palm
when the gang walked in.
“Any news?” Catherine asked me, her face full of worry. I shook my head, but I didn’t trust myself to speak. I glanced at Sara, Warrick and Greg.
Sara was still looking a little dazed, Warrick looked plain worried and Greg, well it was almost as if he had become Grissom. He was hard to read.
I was wondering where Grissom was, when the doors to the waiting room opened and he walked in. “Any news on Nick?” he asked me, his expression reflected worry, and exhaustion. Catherine glanced at me before she answered the question.
“Nothing yet Gil.”
I was pacing pretty good by now and I think I was on my way to wearing down the tiles.
“Tessa, how are you holding up?” Warrick’s voice was soft, and I could see the look of worry etched on his face,
“I’m makin’ it.” I managed. Trying to keep my emotions in control.
“Ms. Matthews.” At the sound of someone saying my name, I turned around.
“Yes?” I asked stepping forward. The doctor said to me; “ I’m Doctor Hennessy, could you come with me please?”
I followed him down the hall. “Is he going to be alright?” I asked the doctor.
“He may have to have surgery. To repair a torn ligament in his shoulder. His gunshot wound is pretty serious, but it could have been a lot worse. Had it been any lower it could have killed him.”
This news was a shock. “Can I see him?” I managed. “Please?”
The doctor nodded. “Of course.”
As I was turning to go into Nick’s room, I said “Can you go let our friends know? Our supervisor is there too. He should know.”
The doctor nodded and disappeared down the hall. I pushed open the door to the ICU, then walked up to the window of his room. I watched him for a few minutes, then pushed open the door and walked into his room. The door whooshed shut behind me as I entered.
I walked over to the side of the bed and took his hand in mine. “Nick.” I whispered softly. “Can you hear me?.” I knew that he must have sensed in his sedated state that I was there, but I got no response. “I’m so sorry.” I said, and I could feel the tears coursing down my cheeks.
I stayed only a few minutes. My friends were waiting in the waiting room for me.
Taking a deep breath, I said: “I wanted you all to know, that I have accepted a job in Boston, supervisor of a nightshift team. Gil is the only one who knows. I was going to tell you all at work tonight. I leave the day after tomorrow.” I said calmly.
The look of alarm was evident on all of their faces. That is except Grissom’s, he after all had already known and had time to “adjust”, whatever that had meant in Grissom’s terms.
“You’re leaving?” Sara asked me. I nodded. “Yes I am. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. And by the way, I don’t want any going away party.” I said. I turned and walked down the hall to the doors. Once outside, I took in deep, long breaths of fresh air. Sucking in as much as I could. “Behind me I heard Catherine calling my name.
“Tessa, you can’t go.” She said her voice was shaking.
“I have to go, Cath. I can’t stay . I love it here, really I do, but I need to move on.”
“What about Nick, Tessa?” Her question was like a slap in the face, but pushing that aside I looked at her; “he doesn’t want me Cath, he made that perfectly clear. So what do I have to worry about?”
I didn’t wait for her answer; instead I turned and headed for the bus stop. I would have to go and pick up my SUV. Then I would have to go home and finish packing.
I had packed up, mostly everything I was going to take with me, the rest I wasn’t even going to bother with, right away. I would lock up the house and return to pack it up once I got settled into a regular routine.
For now, all I needed to do was get in the car and drive.
ch 8
I walked into the ICU, I had to say Goodbye. I knew that if I didn’t I would carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.
“How is he doing?” I asked the on-duty nurse. She gave me a smile. “He’s stable. That’s a blessing.”
I obviously couldn’t argue with that. But the fact that he still wasn’t awake was something else.
I walked up to his bed side and took his hand in mine. I didn’t know what to say to him, not knowing whether or not he could even hear me. Finally I leaned down and softly kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, Nicky.” I whispered softy. Turning I left the room.
When I walked out into the parking lot, I found the gang standing by my SUV.
“So you’re really gonna go, Tessa?”
“I really am I replied. I quickly hugged each of them, and after promising to keep in touch I climbed into the driver’s seat. “Sar, I’ll call ya when I get to Haylee’s.” I told her (Haylee was my cousin, who I would stay with until I found an apartment).
“Tessa.” Catherine’s voice cut over the sound of the engine. I turned the car off as sh walked over to the window. “What am I going to tell Nick?” she asked me.
“Tell him whatever you want Cath. It doesn’t matter to me.”
With out waiting to hear what she had to say, I started the car, and pulled the car out of the parking lot and pointed it toward Massachusetts.
2 months later...
Boston Crime Lab 10:30AM
Monday January 10, 2002
Shift had been over for almost three hours but since I had not finished doing my paper work, I figured that I would stay until I did.
I glanced at the calendar and sighed inwardly. It was only 10 days into the New Year. which meant that I had been in Boston Exactly two months. in those two months I had kept in touch with everyone back home by email; except for Sara who I talked to on the phone every other day. Nick, had emailed me a few times, but never had much to say. I honestly could not blame him if he had nothing to say to me.
After all ha di stayed around long enough to make sure he would be alright? No I had just taken off. And I had known since long before the shooting that I was leaving and ahd not told him.
The radio was playing softly:
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I don't mean to drag it on,
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
...Incomplete
For some reason, my eyes began to fill with tears. Was that how I was feeling? Was I feeling incomplete? What was it that was missing in my life? I knew of course what it was or rather who it was. But I knew that what was done was done. Maybe the whole “Lets just be friends” thing had been a good idea. Maybe it was good that we had decided not to get involved too seriously.
Ok who was I trying to kid? I wasn’t happy. Any fool could see that. I had never wanted to be “Just Friends” I had only agreed to what Nick had said because I knew that it had been the right thing to say at the time.
But I also knew now that I had never really loved Jason, and that leaving Vegas had been a big mistake. I buried my face in my hands and silently sobbed. Why did I have to be so so.. Stupid? I loved Nick, I couldn’t deny that, even though I had for almost a year now.
I didn’t even notice that anyone had come into the room until I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I turned around, and I couldn’t believe my eyes…….
TO BE CONTINUED!
So, what do yall think so far??
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of the characters of CSI, however the storyline is my own. This story is a work of fiction and is not to be used with out the permission of the author. Contact me by email aries_girl2004@hotmail.com.
********************************************
Chapter 1
It was a wild night in Vegas, but then when is there ever not a wild night in Sin City?
I was sitting at the bar with Sara. "I wish you didn't have to go back tonight" she said.
I smiled at my best friend. "Once you get to work, you won't even remember that I was in Vegas at all this weekend" I replied.
“Besides I have to get back to work, myself, tomorrow night. You know, I am thinking of transferring to days. I t will give me the evenings off to spend with Meghan." I told her.
"Tessa, have you ever thought of leaving San Francisco?"
This absurd question hit me with surprise. "What? Sar, are you serious? What in the world would I do? Where would I go?"
"Move here, work at CSI. I've missed having you around."
"Sar, I love you dearly, you’re my best friend in the whole world, but have you gone bananas?"
"No, not at all. I’m offering you an opportunity of a lifetime."
"Which is?"
“A job here in Vegas. Grissom wants you to come work on the graveyard shift
ch 2
I felt like I was swimming through the Clark County Aquarium instead of walking through the halls of CSI.
The walls of the lab were painted a deep Aquamarine, and were set off by the dim lights set in the ceiling above. Apparently this setting was supposed to make visitors feel relaxed and calm.
“Tessa, hurry up. We cant be late!” Sara’s voice jarred me out of my reverie
And I realized she was halfway down the hall. I hurried to catch up with her.
“Geeze, Sar, what’s your hurry?” I gasped. “Shift doesn’t start for another 5 minutes”
“Well, I wanna get the introductions out of the way before Grissom starts handing out our assignments.”
She pushed open the door o the break room. The first person my eyes lit on was my old childhood friend. “Greg Sanders” I said. He must have recognized my voice because he whipped around so fast I thought he would give himself whiplash.
“Tessa!” He came over and wrapped me in a hug.
“God you look great. How have ya been?”
“So I am going to guess you two know each other? I’m Catherine, by the way.”
“ It’s nice to meet you Catherine.”
“Hey Tessa, I’m Warrick, it’s nice to finally meet you.”
“Likewise” I replied.
Ahhh, good I see Tessa is getting settled in.” Grissom came into the room and poured himself some coffee.
“Where is Nick? No wait let me guess. He overslept.” Sara’s impatient tone made me want to laugh. “His alarm clock is probably shot” I said.
“Yeah, well if he’s not here soon he’ll be shot.”
We didn’t have to wait long for him to come “Hey all. Sorry I’m late my alarm clock’s shot.”
“Nice job” Greg commented.
“Tessa, this is Nick Stokes. Nick this is Tessa Matthews.” Sara introduced us
“Nice to meet you Nick.” I said, holding out my hand
He took my hand in his and smiled. “Nice to meet you too Tessa.”
“What is Tessa short for?” Warrick asked.
“Theresa. It’s short for Theresa.” I replied. “But NEVER call me Theresa.”
ch 3
“Christmas Time’s a coming, Christmas Time’s a coming…” Greg sang as he came into the break room.
“Give it up will ya Greg. You have been singin’ that song for the last 3 hours. Enough already” Nick’s voice broke through the din of Greg’s singing.
“Ya know I think I will go sing in the lab.” Greg hurried out the door swinging closed behind him.
Sara came blowing into the room just then, nearly knocking Greg off his feet.
“ do you Know what pisses me off?” she groused.
“Do you mean besides everything?” I asked her.
“I cannot believe that the Christmas party is formal, and that we have to go and that we have to bring a date!”
“Well, Sar, look at the bright side”
“Which is?”
“I dunno, when I think of it I will let you know”
“Thanks” she said in disgust, leaving the room.
“Tessa, There was something I wanted to ask you..”
“Sure. Anything” I replied.
“Well, I was wondering if you would like to go to the Christmas party with me?”
I was totally not prepared for this question, but I pulled myself together.
“I would love to” I said
“Christmas Time’s a coming, Christmas Time’s a coming…”
“Tessa, Nick!” Catherine was waving to us from the other side of the ball room at the
Tangiers hotel.
“Heya Cath, Warrick.” I greeted my friends. “Where’s the rest of our little posse?”
Both Catherine and Warrick shrugged. “Greg and Sara were just here. Grissom hasn’t shown up yet.” Cath replied.
“I heard a rumor that you’re singin for us all tonight.” Warrick said.
I smiled “you heard right.” I replied. “Infact, here comes my cue.”
I saw Ecklie approach the podium. “And now folks I would like you all to welcome to the stage the newest member of our criminalistics team; Ms. Tessa Matthews, who’s talents run deeper than crime scene investigation.”
I could hear the applause and cheers from my friends and colleagues as I took the mic.
Thank you all.” I said, feeling a little bit nervous. But as the music started I began to relax. I took a deep breath and gave it my all.
How do I,
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you,
What kind of life would that be?
Oh, I need...
I need you in my arms, need you to hold,
You're my world, my heart, my soul,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you,
There'd be no sun in my sky,
There would be no love in my life,
There'd be no world left for me.
And I,
Baby I don't know what I would do,
I'd be lost if I lost you,
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything good in my life,
And tell me now,
How do I live without you?
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby,
How do I go on?
If you ever leave,
Baby you would take away everything,
I need you with me,
Baby don't you know that you're everything,
Good in my life?
And tell me now,
How do I live without you,
I want to know,
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go,
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?
As the song came to a close, the cheering an clapping became deafning.
Sara put two fingers in her mouth and let out a shrill whistle. Taking a quick bow i hurried off the stage. "Tessa, that was amazing!" Catherine exclaimed.
I smiled a little embarrassed. "Thanks Cath." I replied.
I excused my self and headed for the balcony to get some fresh air. The night was warm, apparently the desert doesnt get very cold in the winter. "Hey Tessa.What're you doin out here?" Nick came up behind me. "Just gettin some fresh air" I replied. "You did a really good job Tessa" I thanked him, and he dazzled me with one of his thousand- watt smiles. I swear to God when he smiled like that, it made my insides go mushy.
Suddenly, the music started back up. I recognized the song. Savage Garden's "I knew I Loved You"
"Would you like to dance Tessa?" He asked me. I nodded "Sure. I would love to."
As he pulled me close, my heart began hammering in my chest. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes, letting the music work it's magic.
Maybe it's intuition
But some things you just don't question
Like in your eyes
I see my future in an instant
And there it goes
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
There's just no rhyme or reason
Only this sense of completion
And in your eyes
I see the missing pieces
I'm searching for
I think I've found my best friend
I know that it might sound more than a little crazy
But I believe
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
A thousand angels dance around you
I am complete now that I've found you
I knew I loved you before I met you
I think I dreamed you into life
I knew I loved you before I met you
I have been waiting all my life
As the music faded away, he made no move to pull away from me.
"Nick.." I began, but words failed me asI looked into his eyes. I wanted to say something but was afraid I would ruin the moment if i did. but no word were necessary, I knew that he felt the same way I did.
"Merry Christmas Tessa." he said softly as he kissed me.
ch 4
“I think we should just be friends” the words echoed in my brain over and over again.
Had it only been a few months ago that Nick had kissed me on the balcony at the Christmas party? Had it only been a few weeks since that New Years Eve party we had spent the whole night watching movies and .. ok, so we didn’t exactly watch the movies but hey, it was New Years.
“Tessa, I’m sorry, really. I know that this wasn’t something that you wanted to hear on Valentine’s Day.”
Or any day. I thought to myself. But I knew I couldn’t say that. So I said the only thing that I could think of, that he would want to hear. “Maybe you’re right.” I replied softly, all the while my heart twisting painfully. I stood up. “I should get going. Meghan’s probably waiting for me. Thanks for dinner.”
“Tessa.” When he spoke my name, I thought my heart would break.
“Nick. Don’t. look, you’re right. Being friends is ok.” I smiled.
“See you at work” I said, then I turned and hurried out of the restaurant.
But I didn’t see him that night as we were both kept busy working separate cases.
By the time shift was over, I was tired beyond belief. As I was heading out, I passed the break room and I could see Nick sitting at the table with Sara, both drinking coffee.
Sara must have spotted me because a few minutes later, I heard her calling my name.
I didn't stop walking, and she caught up to me. "For the love of God Tessa slow down a minute will you?"
I kept walking but did slow down a little. "What, Sar?" I asked.
"Are you ok? I mean really?" Sara asked me.
"I'm fine Sar. Really."
And though I don't realy think I was then, I knew that in time I would be. I cared about Nick and I always would, but I knew that the best thing for me to do was move on. I had survived a divorce. I could survive this.
ninemonths later...
" Tessa, what in the world is going on?" Catherine asked me as she came into the break room, folllowed by Sara, Warrick,Greg and Nick.
"Yeah, whats the big news? Are you like getting married or something?" Greg asked a little snidely.
I only grinned and held up my hand "Actually, yes I am Greg."
There was a brief silence then Catherine and Sara both started shrieking.
Suddenly I found myself in the middle of a group hug. We were rudely interrupted when Grissom stuck his head in the door. "Cath, Sara,Warrick. Dective Conroy's waiting outside for you.
"Greg, there is evidence in the labI need you to process."
"Oh and Tessa, Congratulations" he said before disapearing.
Alone in the break room with Nick, I wasn't quite sure what to say. But as usual, I didn't have to
say anything. "Congratulations Tessa. I'm very happy for you." he said as he hugged me.
and although he sounded sincere, there was something in is eyes that told me otherwise.
"I have some paper work I need to do. I'll be in my office." I told him. When I walked out the door this time, I didn't look back.
ch 5
I was sitting on my couch engrossed in a romance novel; when I heard the phone ring.
I reached over and picked it up off the coffee table.
“Hello.” I said
“Tessa, it’s me” Sara’s voice came over the phone. “Is Jason there with you?”
“No, he isn’t supposed to be home until tomorrow. Why?”
“I will be right over.” She said. Then before I could reply, the phone had gone dead.
Ten minutes later I heard the doorbell and opened the door to find not only Sara on my front porch, but Nick, Greg, Warrick, Catherine and Grissom.
“What in the world are you all doing here?” I asked in surprise, as I ushered them in.
“Make yourselves at home. Anybody want anything to drink?” I asked
“We’re fine” Catherine said, speaking for the whole team. “Tessa, we need to talk to you. About Jason.”
I looked curiously from one somber face to another. “Guys, what the heck is going on?
What about Jason?”
“Tessa, sit.” Sara said gently pulling me down between her and Greg on the couch.
“There is something you should be aware of, about Jason.” Catherine said quietly.
I could feel my heart pounding in my chest as I waited to hear what it was they were about to tell me about my fiancé.
“I don’t believe you!” I shouted.
“How can you lie about something like this!”
I glared in fury at my fiends. “I want all of you out, right now! Get out!”
Sara looked at me her expression calm, her eyes telling of something else.
“He did not kill anyone! How dare you make an accusation like that!”
I was practically shrieking, and I was sure the neighbors down the street could hear me, but I didn’t care. I wanted all of them to leave. As they rose and headed out the door, Nick lingerd behind.
“Tessa…” he began
“Don’t you dare. “ I said. “Leave now.”
I watched as they all filed out of the house.
I was angry, beyond angry. I knew that none of my friends liked Jason but this was unacceptable. Why in the hell would they do something like this?
It was a question that bothered me all evening and kept me awake that night.
At 2am I heard the phone ring
“Hello?” I muttered
“Tessa, It’s Cath. I have to tell you something.”
ch 6
pulled my shoes on and keys in hand, I ran outside. As I got into my black SUV, I noticed the piece of paper stuck to my windshield. It was typed note and read:
Tessa, he’s mine now, You care about him,
and there is nothing you can do about it.
You can drive as fast as you want
cry , beg and plead, but you will never
be able to be with him. And I know that’s
what you really want. But now, it’s too late
You should have believed them. Now his death will be your fault.
- Jason
I drove as fast as I could to the location Catherine had given me. I pulled my SUV up behind a police car, not even shuting off the engine as I barreled toward where my friends stood.
“Where is he?” I asked. “Where does Jason have him?” I was pretty hysterical now.
Catherine pointed toward the doorway of an abandoned house. “ In there.” Her voice was hushed.
“Jason!” I shrieked. “Jason, let him go, please!”
Suddenly both appeared in the doorway. I started to run toward them. Suddenly a gunshot rang out. I watched in horror as Nick went down. “ No!” I didn’t recognize the voice that uttered those words.
I was close now, and as I started toward Nick, Jason shouted
“Tessa, you’re too late. I told you, you would be. Now my dear love, it’s your turn.”
I felt paralyzed as he leveled the gun at my chest.
“Tessa!” Sara yelled, panicked.
As I heard the gunshot sound, I found myself on the ground. Warrick, beside me.
At the sound of another gunshot, I covered my head and screamed.
“Suddenly, there was silence. Looking up I saw Jason on the ground, and Sara, standing only feet away, gun in hand.
With out thinking I was on my feet. As I knelt down at Nick’s side, I had tears streaming down my face.
“Oh god, Nick, I’m so sorry.” I sobbed. I reached out and touched his face.
“Please, open your eyes.” I begged. There was nothing. No response.
In the background, I could hear the wail of sirens as the ambulance came screaming over the hill.
Gripping his hand, I softly said; “Don’t leave me, Nick. Please I need you.”
I climbed into the ambulance with him, as the doors shut, I glimpsed the tears running down both Catherine and Sara’s faces.
ch 7
“I was walking the floor in the waiting room of the ER at Desert Palm
when the gang walked in.
“Any news?” Catherine asked me, her face full of worry. I shook my head, but I didn’t trust myself to speak. I glanced at Sara, Warrick and Greg.
Sara was still looking a little dazed, Warrick looked plain worried and Greg, well it was almost as if he had become Grissom. He was hard to read.
I was wondering where Grissom was, when the doors to the waiting room opened and he walked in. “Any news on Nick?” he asked me, his expression reflected worry, and exhaustion. Catherine glanced at me before she answered the question.
“Nothing yet Gil.”
I was pacing pretty good by now and I think I was on my way to wearing down the tiles.
“Tessa, how are you holding up?” Warrick’s voice was soft, and I could see the look of worry etched on his face,
“I’m makin’ it.” I managed. Trying to keep my emotions in control.
“Ms. Matthews.” At the sound of someone saying my name, I turned around.
“Yes?” I asked stepping forward. The doctor said to me; “ I’m Doctor Hennessy, could you come with me please?”
I followed him down the hall. “Is he going to be alright?” I asked the doctor.
“He may have to have surgery. To repair a torn ligament in his shoulder. His gunshot wound is pretty serious, but it could have been a lot worse. Had it been any lower it could have killed him.”
This news was a shock. “Can I see him?” I managed. “Please?”
The doctor nodded. “Of course.”
As I was turning to go into Nick’s room, I said “Can you go let our friends know? Our supervisor is there too. He should know.”
The doctor nodded and disappeared down the hall. I pushed open the door to the ICU, then walked up to the window of his room. I watched him for a few minutes, then pushed open the door and walked into his room. The door whooshed shut behind me as I entered.
I walked over to the side of the bed and took his hand in mine. “Nick.” I whispered softly. “Can you hear me?.” I knew that he must have sensed in his sedated state that I was there, but I got no response. “I’m so sorry.” I said, and I could feel the tears coursing down my cheeks.
I stayed only a few minutes. My friends were waiting in the waiting room for me.
Taking a deep breath, I said: “I wanted you all to know, that I have accepted a job in Boston, supervisor of a nightshift team. Gil is the only one who knows. I was going to tell you all at work tonight. I leave the day after tomorrow.” I said calmly.
The look of alarm was evident on all of their faces. That is except Grissom’s, he after all had already known and had time to “adjust”, whatever that had meant in Grissom’s terms.
“You’re leaving?” Sara asked me. I nodded. “Yes I am. I’ve been thinking about this for a while now. And by the way, I don’t want any going away party.” I said. I turned and walked down the hall to the doors. Once outside, I took in deep, long breaths of fresh air. Sucking in as much as I could. “Behind me I heard Catherine calling my name.
“Tessa, you can’t go.” She said her voice was shaking.
“I have to go, Cath. I can’t stay . I love it here, really I do, but I need to move on.”
“What about Nick, Tessa?” Her question was like a slap in the face, but pushing that aside I looked at her; “he doesn’t want me Cath, he made that perfectly clear. So what do I have to worry about?”
I didn’t wait for her answer; instead I turned and headed for the bus stop. I would have to go and pick up my SUV. Then I would have to go home and finish packing.
I had packed up, mostly everything I was going to take with me, the rest I wasn’t even going to bother with, right away. I would lock up the house and return to pack it up once I got settled into a regular routine.
For now, all I needed to do was get in the car and drive.
ch 8
I walked into the ICU, I had to say Goodbye. I knew that if I didn’t I would carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.
“How is he doing?” I asked the on-duty nurse. She gave me a smile. “He’s stable. That’s a blessing.”
I obviously couldn’t argue with that. But the fact that he still wasn’t awake was something else.
I walked up to his bed side and took his hand in mine. I didn’t know what to say to him, not knowing whether or not he could even hear me. Finally I leaned down and softly kissed his cheek. “Goodbye, Nicky.” I whispered softy. Turning I left the room.
When I walked out into the parking lot, I found the gang standing by my SUV.
“So you’re really gonna go, Tessa?”
“I really am I replied. I quickly hugged each of them, and after promising to keep in touch I climbed into the driver’s seat. “Sar, I’ll call ya when I get to Haylee’s.” I told her (Haylee was my cousin, who I would stay with until I found an apartment).
“Tessa.” Catherine’s voice cut over the sound of the engine. I turned the car off as sh walked over to the window. “What am I going to tell Nick?” she asked me.
“Tell him whatever you want Cath. It doesn’t matter to me.”
With out waiting to hear what she had to say, I started the car, and pulled the car out of the parking lot and pointed it toward Massachusetts.
2 months later...
Boston Crime Lab 10:30AM
Monday January 10, 2002
Shift had been over for almost three hours but since I had not finished doing my paper work, I figured that I would stay until I did.
I glanced at the calendar and sighed inwardly. It was only 10 days into the New Year. which meant that I had been in Boston Exactly two months. in those two months I had kept in touch with everyone back home by email; except for Sara who I talked to on the phone every other day. Nick, had emailed me a few times, but never had much to say. I honestly could not blame him if he had nothing to say to me.
After all ha di stayed around long enough to make sure he would be alright? No I had just taken off. And I had known since long before the shooting that I was leaving and ahd not told him.
The radio was playing softly:
Empty spaces fill me up with holes
Distant faces with no place left to go
Without you within me I can't find no rest
Where I'm going is anybody's guess
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
I don't mean to drag it on,
But I can't seem to let you go
I don't wanna make you face this world alone
I wanna let you go (alone)
I try to go on like I never knew you
I'm awake but my world is half asleep
I pray for this heart to be unbroken
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete
Voices tell me I should carry on
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone
Baby, my baby, it's written on your face
You still wonder if we made a big mistake
...Incomplete
For some reason, my eyes began to fill with tears. Was that how I was feeling? Was I feeling incomplete? What was it that was missing in my life? I knew of course what it was or rather who it was. But I knew that what was done was done. Maybe the whole “Lets just be friends” thing had been a good idea. Maybe it was good that we had decided not to get involved too seriously.
Ok who was I trying to kid? I wasn’t happy. Any fool could see that. I had never wanted to be “Just Friends” I had only agreed to what Nick had said because I knew that it had been the right thing to say at the time.
But I also knew now that I had never really loved Jason, and that leaving Vegas had been a big mistake. I buried my face in my hands and silently sobbed. Why did I have to be so so.. Stupid? I loved Nick, I couldn’t deny that, even though I had for almost a year now.
I didn’t even notice that anyone had come into the room until I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I turned around, and I couldn’t believe my eyes…….
TO BE CONTINUED!
So, what do yall think so far??
