Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Dec 21, 2005 11:22:07 GMT 1
Hello, here is another story.
Chapter 1.
"HELP, HELP!" a voice screamed, from the Navada desert, the only thing that had heard it was a planes radio.
Grissom rang csifanlee, "csifanlee? its grissom." "Yes gris?" "I need you here, world famous rapped 75p found dead." csifanlee didnt reply then Grissom heard a voice, "you talk and you die" A squecky voice came on and said, "you want him back meet me on route 95 and wait for instructions"
Grissom raced to route 95 and saw a tahoe arked up, because it was dark the police managed to get a man round the back and he grapped the kidnappers, it was Catherine & Warrick!.....[/color]
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Dec 22, 2005 11:59:58 GMT 1
Chapter 2 Grissom got back to the station where Catherine and Warrick were being held, Grissom walked up to Catherine and said “Why did you do it?” Catherine looked at Grissom and said “because you always give hi solo crimes and me and Warrick are always partners, plus I heard you tell Sara in your office that Lee was going to get Co-Head of night shift in a week, so I don’t like that!” Grissom walked over to Warrick and said “Why did you do it as well?” Warrick replied with; “I didn’t want to do it but Catherine said she would pay me if I did it, so I did.” Grissom sighed and said “Warrick, I would have doubled your monthly pay but because you did this I am going to deduct 90% of it. So you only get $300 instead of £15,000, also Warrick and Catherine you get suspended WITHOUT pay for 1 year, also I will be submitting this to the LVPD court and I want you FULLY charged with this” Warrick shouted “ NO GRISSOM DON’T!!” Grissom turned and said “sorry Warrick, you were involved so I have got to” Grissom walked out and went up to Nick, Sara and Lee. “Ok Sara, Lee, 420 suicide on route 54” “Nick and me 419 no head man” The team walked out onto there crimes, Sara and Lee got into there Tahoe and at that point were Sara pulled out Lee saw Warrick and Catherine. Sara looked at Lee and said “You ok? You look like you are scared to death.” Lee replied with “Yep, I’m ok, but I sure could use some company in my house tonight….” Lee looked at Sara, and she replied, “Ok, I will sleep at your house tonight…..” Lee and Sara started holding hands! Lee and Sara came in the next morning looking very, very tired… Nick walked over to Sara and said “Yu look like you had a good night last night…” Sara smiled and said “It was the time of my life.” Nick was shocked and said, “who were you with?” “Lee.” “LEE SWEETMAN??” “Yep, we are going out with each other!” ……. Nick looked at Sara and was gob smacked. Will Lee and Sara do anything else?……… |
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Dec 22, 2005 13:42:59 GMT 1
More to come hopefully!
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scorpii
RPG Moderator
You KNOW the world is all mine.
Posts: 1,584
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Post by scorpii on Dec 23, 2005 13:02:55 GMT 1
cool! So different of all things I've read before... but still, cool!
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Dec 23, 2005 13:41:46 GMT 1
Thanx scorpii, im in the process of continuing chapter 3
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Calypso
RPG: Cali Taylor Redheads rule!
Posts: 533
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Post by Calypso on Dec 23, 2005 17:38:06 GMT 1
It's fun, Lee. Only criticism I have is break up the paragraphs. It's hard to read one big blob of words.
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Calypso
RPG: Cali Taylor Redheads rule!
Posts: 533
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Post by Calypso on Dec 23, 2005 17:41:02 GMT 1
Btw, the whole thing with you and Sara was great.  |
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Dec 31, 2005 18:50:18 GMT 1
Thank you all for replies!
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bluebean
RPG Character: Dr. Sheldon Consare, M.E.
Posts: 442
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Post by bluebean on Dec 31, 2005 19:01:41 GMT 1
It's interesting, but I have a few critiques.
1. Try to keep the characters in character. They slip out every so often.
2. Seperate the paragraphs, it makes it easier to read.
3. Proofread what you write, it helps a lot.
4. Try to expand on your ideas. You rush through them, try giving reactions as well as more description.
Other than that, it's very interesting and you should continue writing.
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Jan 1, 2006 13:35:08 GMT 1
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Post by lozza2006 on Jan 1, 2006 14:24:22 GMT 1
[glow=red,2,300]Very good[/glow]
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scorpii
RPG Moderator
You KNOW the world is all mine.
Posts: 1,584
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Post by scorpii on Jan 1, 2006 19:41:11 GMT 1
they're stolen? why would anyone steal fanfics?
Now you have to be a CSI yourself ;D to find out who stole the ideas ;D sorry. Maybe someone thought it was 'just' something and threw it away, I don't know. Hope you'll find them back!
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Jan 2, 2006 12:19:53 GMT 1
[glow=red,2,300]I will have to wait till 9th of join coz i think they went missing in school. I will update u all a.s.a.p!
Plz b patient i will find them! Honest![/glow]
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scorpii
RPG Moderator
You KNOW the world is all mine.
Posts: 1,584
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Post by scorpii on Jan 3, 2006 11:09:33 GMT 1
I'll be patient ;D Hope you'll find them!
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Lee
Droylsden FC fan
Posts: 473
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Post by Lee on Jan 11, 2006 12:35:29 GMT 1
[glow=red,2,300]I found them!!   But they were burnt!  So im not continuing fan fic writeing Cya, thanx for reading but i cant continue! Sorry, Lee[/glow] |
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But they were burnt! 