here some of my fav ( i became a long list sorry but i find them funny
)
Gil Grissom: I just got a page from James Watson.
Nick Stokes: And I got one from Francis Crick. What's going on, Greg?
Greg Sanders: Well, as you both know, Watson and Crick are the granddaddies of DNA. Without their discoveries, I'd have nothing to do all day.
Nick Stokes: What have you been doing all day?
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Gil Grissom: Where's your enthusiasm?
Greg Sanders: Whenever I find a match in here, my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Gil Grissom: Out there means a pay cut.
Greg Sanders: I'm not about the money.
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Gil Grissom: I can't tell whether he's brilliant or nuts.
Captain Jim Brass: Sound familiar?
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[after telling Grissom something that Grissom already knows]
Greg Sanders: I guess I should stop trying to impress you.
Gil Grissom: That would impress me.
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Greg Sanders: I had to send this to an outside lab since we're not equipped to carry out bacterial DNA analysis. Hint, hint.
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Gil Grissom: Greg!
Greg Sanders: Yeah.
Gil Grissom: Take off your shoes and socks.
Greg Sanders: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not too sure I can hang with that - even if you are my boss.
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Sara Sidle: Dead body! Bonus.
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Catherine Willows: Definitely a crime of passion.
Gil Grissom: You think a female did this?
Catherine Willows: I could have.
Gil Grissom: Scared of you.
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Dr. Al Robbins: I'll know more later.
Gil Grissom: You always tell me that.
Dr. Al Robbins: Yes, I do.
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Lawyer: You took your clothes off for a living?
Catherine Willows: For a VERY good living.
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[Performing an autopsy]
Dr. Al Robbins: You say tomato... I say cause of death.
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Dr. Al Robbins: Hand me that foot, would you?
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Gil Grissom( to Greg): Are we paying you by the word?
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Hodges: [after Sara has just completed an explanation on a bug] Since when did you become an insects expert?
Sara Sidle: Entymology textbook. Grissom gave it to me last Christmas. When I can't sleep, I read.
Nick Stokes: [smirking] Funny, I didn't get a Christmas gift from Grissom...
[turns to Hodges]
Nick Stokes: , did you...?
Hodges: [also smirking] No...
[Sara gives them both a weird look]
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Gil Grissom: Hey Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Al Robbins: When I was in fourth grade, I dropped karate because some kid half my size made me cry.
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Catherine Willows: So, any luck with the blood and hair samples I gave you?
Greg Sanders: Don't insult me. Luck is only for those without skill.
Catherine Willows: Spoken like a man who's never hit the jackpot.
Greg Sanders: Sad, but true.
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[after Greg kicks him out of the lab]
Warrick Brown: Did you take your medication today?
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Gil Grissom: Amazing how the sight of blood can clear a room.
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Nick Stokes: There's a sucker born every minute.
Gil Grissom: Yeah, and they all come to Vegas.
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Greg Sanders: Ninety-nine bottles of beer on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of beer. Swab one down, run it through CODIS, ninety-eight bottles of beer on the wall.
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Nick Stokes: People are pigs.
Gil Grissom: Hey, don't insult pigs. They're actually very clean.
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[in the autopsy room, looking over fragmented bones]
Dr. Al Robbins: You want a breast or a thigh?
Catherine Willows: It's your kitchen.
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Captain Jim Brass: Hey, look what I found: a knife with blood on it.
Gil Grissom: Hey, look what I found: dead guy.
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Captain Jim Brass: [to a suspect] Nice stare. Too bad it doesn't work on me. Keep it though - they'll love it in prison.
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Greg Sanders: [about orthodontia] I had it all - palate expander, braces, retainer, headgear. Five years of torture, but worth every penny, don't you think?
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Gil Grissom: Sara, do you have any duct tape in your kit?
Sara Sidle: Yeah. It's what I use to hold it together.
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Gil Grissom: Bag and tag the detritus. Forklift anything bigger than Greg.
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Dr. Al Robbins: [after David has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on] All right David, take two.
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Nick Stokes: Well, it takes 10 minutes to drive from the clinic to Industrial Road.
Warrick Brown: Yeah?
Nick Stokes: Yeah, I had Greg run it.
Warrick Brown: [laughing] That's classic!
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Captain Jim Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Catherine Willows: Ba-dum-bum
Captain Jim Brass: I'll be here all week.
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Hodges: It's a good thing you don't need to pass a spelling test to work the field, "funtain" water?
Greg Sanders: My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it. So was the funtain water in her lungs?
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Dr. Al Robbins: [Robbins shares stomach findings with Grissom] Highlights include band-aids, wood chips, hair and half a snapshot.
Gil Grissom: Pica?
Dr. Al Robbins: Boo?
Gil Grissom: Pica is a compulsion to eat non-nutritive food items. It's from the Latin word for magpie, a bird with a large and indiscriminate appetite.
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Captain Jim Brass: [Grissom and Greg walk into the crime scene] Hey, Grissom you got something stuck on your shoe.
Captain Jim Brass: [Grissom gives him a look] Nevermind, it's just Sanders.
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liquid from the trunk of a car containing two corpses splashes up onto Greg's face and into his mouth]
Sara Sidle: Technically, that makes you a cannibal. Grissom would be proud.
Greg Sanders: Grissom would have tasted it on purpose.
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Greg Sanders: I, am a genius.
Warrick Brown: Let me guess, you ran the DNA and got a hit?
Greg Sanders: No.
Gil Grissom: You ran the DNA and something distinctive came up?
Greg Sanders: No.
Warrick Brown: You rolled out of bed and managed to dress yourself?
Greg Sanders: No.
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Gil Grissom: Question. You come home, see your husband lying in the driveway, what do you do?
Greg Sanders: ...is that a trick question?
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Warrick Brown: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Gil Grissom: The winner?
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Gil Grissom: [holding up a human eye] Well, someone's missing a contact lens.
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